The Importance of Early Attachment
It's a fundamental part of human nature to seek out connection. As young children, we naturally seek a connection with our primary caregivers. When this desire for attachment is reciprocated consistently and with confidence, the child feels secure. This sense of security can follow them throughout life unless disrupted by extreme events. Those who experience secure attachments in childhood tend to seek out connections and relationships throughout their lives with less anxiety and fear of abandonment. Their relationships are likely to be smoother and deepen over time because they possess the emotional confidence to focus on growth rather than self-preservation resulting from fear of loss of connection.
Insecure Attachments and Their Impact
Conversely, when a child's bid for attachment is met with anxiety or inconsistency, the child feels insecure. This insecurity is extremely frightening for a young child, directing their development towards self-preservation instead of emotional and cognitive growth. Attachment trauma develops coping skills such as heightened sensitivity to caregivers' emotional states or the suppression of feelings and dissociative behaviors may develop. The child's reactive mechanisms, formed in response to past threats to the connection security, remain long after they've matured and acquired the resources to understand their safety isn't constantly threatened because the understanding has not become embodied.
Bridging the Gap with Self-Love
Parents' timely, consistent responses instill a sense of security in their children. Feeling secure allows individuals to direct their vital energy toward personal growth and relationship development. When people don't feel secure, their vitality is consumed by survival, impeding the maturation of more expansive executive functioning.
Overcoming these reactive responses is challenging because they become ingrained in the autonomic nervous system, governing involuntary functions crucial for survival. However, change is possible. It requires understanding the process, being aware of underlying emotions, and bridging the mind and body. Change can occur rapidly when the mind validates and has compassion for the body's learned behaviors.
Connecting Self-Love, Love for Others, and Love for Hashem
True transformation comes from recognizing our capacity to be our own parents and meeting our inner child's needs for acceptance, love, and understanding. This inner work enables us to develop a healthy, deep connection with Hashem and His children. Authentic love for Hashem, as opposed to being religious as a way to fulfill the human need for connection, manifests in our ability to love ourselves and others, bridging the divine and personal.
Conclusion
As the Alter Rebbe stated, "What is more important, love of Hashem or love of your fellow? Love of your fellow is more important because if you truly love the father, then you will love the son." To truly connect with Hashem, you must recognize the divine within you. Compassion towards yourself is key, as emphasized in the morning prayer:
מוֹדֶה אֲנִי לְפָנֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּם, שֶׁהֶחֱזַרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְּחֶמְלָה, רַבָּה אֱמוּנָתֶךָ.
Modeh Ani Lefanecha Melech Chai Vekayam, Shehechezarta Bi Nishmati Bechemlah, Rabah Emunatecha.
I gratefully thank You, O living and eternal King, for You have returned my soul within me with compassion; abundant is Your faithfulness!
Hashem renews His faith in us each day so that we will be compassionate to ourselves. This self-compassion bridges our understanding, our bodies, and our emotions, allowing us to experience love. Experiencing love nurtures the capacity to love others, thereby proving the authenticity of our love for the Creator.
Thank you for being part of this journey😌.
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