The Question
"For some reason, this time of year makes me feel like a helpless child, like 'Everything is Hevel, Hevelim'." echoing the sentiment of Shlomo Hamelech - (King Solomon)
My understanding of the term hevel comes from the word that refers to the warm breath expelled from a person’s mouth as they pronounce Heh. It has no value or standing of its own. Its only value is that it enables something else to exist. That something is a simple sound among myriad sounds coming into existence through warm air. It then dissipates as quickly as it came into existence. Someone feeling that “everything is hevel” may confront a sense of transience so strong and palpable it can leave them feeling a sense of nothingness or helplessness.
The Understanding
If one of the purposes of creation is to learn how to reconnect with the Creator on a physical plane and succeed at it and these Three Weeks - Bein Hametzarim multiply that normal hiddenness of the Creator, then it’s natural that we would feel somewhat helpless during this time.
This would be the case if you grew up in an environment where you inherently learned what a healthy connection is by experiencing being connected to your physical caregivers. This training empowers you to deepen your connection to your Real Maker throughout your life. Feeling somewhat helpless during this period of mourning would be manageable. It might be accompanied by sadness, longing, and other reflective emotions.
However, if your childhood environment left you longing for something you couldn’t identify at the time—later discovering it was personal connection—the perceived “distancing” of these three weeks, or anything that comes up during this time, can be triggering, causing the subtle sense of helplessness to flashback to the “helpless child” and even to become visceral and debilitating.
The Suggestion
First, be aware and informed to be kind to yourself and have compassion for yourself, no matter what comes up during this time. Recognize that this is a period of intensity that can call up deep emotions, memories, and even flashbacks to times of trauma. Accepting this phenomenon can help alleviate some of the stress, pain, and frustration it brings.
Redirecting the focus of these powerful feelings from our personal, individual trauma to our national trauma can be transformative. Consider the loss of revealed spirituality, our connection to the Creator, our land, and two-thirds of our mitzvoth. We have also lost our honored position among the nations and the ability to positively influence the world freely.
Reflecting on these losses can lead to introspective thoughts and emotions, fostering personal growth. This, in turn, contributes to national development and confidence. Ultimately, this process brings about the fulfillment of our longing, the rebuilding of our Holy Temple, The Bet Hamikdash, and a deep, revealed connection to our Creator and everything that is.
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Are you suggesting that it is a transformational step to take advantage of the lack of emotional connection in our childhood, and upgrade that recognition of lack to yearning for the connection we want to have with Hashem, Beit Hamikdash, etc.?
Does doing this retroactively have some kind of transformational effect on the childhood lack of emotional connection?